rainyuki's Diaryland Diary

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I'm at Youth.sg - 2nd Entry.

Here's my second entry for the Youth.sg blogging competition, and most probably my last.

They say that falling would make you stronger, mistakes make you wiser and also, deeper in thought. But... they also say that if it's not your way to go, you should cease and follow a different path. Perhaps blogging isn't what I'm supposed to be doing, maybe it isn't my gift. Thoughtwise, if I spend too much attention on what I'm not very talented in and neglecting what could be my talents, I would be doing a great injustice to myself.

It's kinda silly but, since I've started blogging, life has ceased to be lonely. Slowly and strangely, a caterpillar has metamorphasized into a butterfly.

I remember the first time I starting blogging was when I was 13 or so. A friend introduced me to the net, something so absolutely foreign to me. I never got to surf the net until after my scoliosis operation when I had just graduated from junior high - and the first thing that loaded on my page was an advertistment for pornography. At that time, I was alone in my room and the images had horrified me. I ran, sobbing into my mother's arms and clearing stating that I was never going to touch that dreaded piece of technology again.

Call it irony though, but living in a technology based era, I had to use the internet more then I expected. The future experiences in surfing wasn't as bad after all, and I got lost, playing into the lure of virtual reality.

When I blog, my life is immersed. My tears flow freely and if anger was present, I started to break free of it. The old scars that used to haunt me started to heal, and life that seemed so complicated at that time loosened up. There was even a point when I was afraid, alone and depressed, where death haunted me down and drew me closer... a time where the world seemed to spin and grow dark, and that even where light shone, a shadow was cast. At that time, It was the constant blogging and comfort I received that saved me. The comments from people I could not see, were kind and encouraging. It showed to me that life really wasn't so bad after all, and with their support, here I am still living.

So now, while my tears have dried and when the scars on my wrists are no longer visible, when the only thing I seem to ever blog about is my perfect life, let it be known to the world that...

Although most people say the internet is an evil place to tamper with, it is most probably the only place some people can live in.

Let it be a place we can truly be ourselves.

Please don't try to take it from us. Don't try to tell us to stop writing, to stop speaking, to stop playing virtual reality games... to stop blogging.

With all the smiles, minced words and stabs on the back in workplaces, school, and even the playground - the world out there is more fake then virtual reality.

Let us be Us.

And now, I'm blogging for this competition. I'm letting you judge my words, the words that have so painstakingly flowed out of me. I may not be a good blogger like Xiaxue or Cheesie. I might not have what it takes to be the next controversial blogger. But what I have, I'm writting it down... I'm placing some hope in hope that I dare not have, hope many of us are hoping for.

Hope for the future is what I have... and the only place to get it, is here. I'm @ Youth.sg.

May the words we speak interact with the world.

Signed,
Sandra.

P.s. Perhaps, if we can gain confidence through the internet... maybe one day we would gain enough confidence to be true to the world. Who knows?

4:34 p.m. - 2007-01-23

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